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Five years ago, I created a disaster kit for the twins and me. Since the shelf life of emergency rations is 5 years, and it would only be fair to have some supplies for Venessa and Lillia.

It seemed like a shame to let MREs (which should last a couple decades) go to waste, just because they might be bad, so I decided to eat some of them and see how they are.

Survival calorie bar
I decided to start with what I assumed would be the least palatable item, a calorie bar. They're in the emergency kit for in case we run out of MREs.

5 year old Calorie Bar

Here's what each bar looks like. They were surprisingly good, with a taste of honey. They were very dry and crumbly though.

Calorie Bars

Millenium Bar
Made around the beginning of the millenium. Expired last year.

5 year old Millenium Bar

Not so bad, but not as good as the calorie bars. Also very dry and flakey.

Not so bad

PB and crackers
How bad could these be?

5 year old PB and crackers

Looks and tastes like matzoh. The PB tasted like your average Jif or Skippy

With the PB on top

The datestamp says 5321, meaning they were packaged on the 321st day of 2005, or Nov 17, 2005

5 year old Pears

They don't look very good, but maybe nothing looks good in a foil pouch


As with everything else, it tasted better than it looked

On the spoon

"Mexican Rice"
Packaged on Oct 31, 2005. This one scares me the most.

"Mexican Rice" from Halloween 2005

The rice is in a solid block, so I didn't even need a fork. I just squeezed it up the tube and took a bite. It tasted ok, but the texture was so rubbery I had to stop eating it

Block 'o rice

Pumpkin Pound Cake
For tasking dessert, I enlisted the help of real life pastry chef, Venessa Goldberg, from Infamous Pastries.

By the way, this is the oldest item in the kit. Packaged on Oct 07, 2004.

Oct 07, 2004

It had something like the opposite of a desiccant inside, designed to keep moisture in but remove oxygen.

Venessa immediately described it as "dry", but went on to describe the genuine pumpkin flavor, with notes of cinnamon and cloves.




( 7 comments — Leave a comment )
Mar. 21st, 2011 05:28 am (UTC)
I like you, Joe. You're good, funny, people.
Mar. 21st, 2011 10:11 pm (UTC)
Aw, thanks!
Mar. 21st, 2011 05:29 am (UTC)
Kellianne: We're totally going over to Joe and Venessa's house if disaster strikes. They are prepared and we are not!

Buster: They are not prepared! He just ate it all!
Mar. 21st, 2011 10:12 pm (UTC)
You guys are welcome any time, disaster or no! But Buster is right, we don't have any disaster food for the time being since I ate the 5 year old stuff, and the new stuff is still being shipped to us.
(Deleted comment)
Mar. 22nd, 2011 11:39 pm (UTC)
You're welcome any time, disaster or not!
Mar. 23rd, 2011 02:17 am (UTC)
Hahaha, I remember eating MRE when I did my job for the US army. As a skilled MRE eater I can also say that the crackers help you if you ever have loose poo, such as EVERYTHING in that pack, because all of it will make your stools go rock solid, except for the chewing gum, which is why it is treasured by some. Anyhow, and you did not heat up the rice! You were supposed to heat it up with the magnesium heater and gently massage the back before! The rice dishes were some of my favorites, if there was such a thing. Anyway, bon appetit!
Mar. 23rd, 2011 05:21 pm (UTC)
My kit didn't come with a heater :(

Good to know about the poo story. I guess if there's ever a disaster and we have to live on the streets we'll have one less thing to worry about.
( 7 comments — Leave a comment )

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